It starts in my feet, a rapid tapping of my toes. It gradually spreads to a bouncing of my knees. My legs bouncing up and down on the balls of my feet like a drummer with double bass drums. It then spreads to my brain thoughts and emotions running through it like a runaway train that I have lost complete control Soon it starts to spread to my hands a little tremor at first as I try to type this the tremor is just barely there. I type this frantically trying to keep my hands moving and the emotions at bay. I know that at any second I could end up trying or screaming. Today is the last day of my first week at the new job. I don’t want them to see me like this.
My life is going really good right now I got a new job and a stable place to live I shouldn’t feel like this. I shouldn’t feel like I have to try this hard to keep a hold of reality. I have a hard time figuring out what is important. Everything just blends together even this blog post is slowly devolving into something that doesn’t make sense.
How do you relate to real people?
How do you empathize with the pain of others?
Why is it that the only people who matter to me are characters from books, movies and TV shows?
Why is it that when they hurt I am sad and I cry and when they love I am happy for them and love with them. Yet in the real world someone cries and I feel nothing?
What is wrong with me?