There was a time when I didn’t really think friendship was important. I figured that they were just people you came across in passing and would eventually drift away from like comets passing by each other in the night. Because of that belief I have never made those important friendships that stick with you. I remember very little of my high school and college years because I didn’t make those kind of connections. Now as an adult I always have this feeling that something is missing and I feel that is it. That because I never built those relationships that I never had those shared experiences that I lost years of life that I should remember and enjoy but instead they are just nothing. I look at pictures that were taken in college and I can’t remember when they were taken. They don’t have a story to go along with them. Just knowledge that something must have happened there.
I know people who will speak fondly of their high school and college experiences and they always tart with one night me and my friends did this or we were here. I have nothing of that. It is always I was with my girlfriends friends or with my boyfriends friends. They are never I was with my friends kind of stories.
I sit here as I will be 38 this year and I realize that I have missed out on really living. I have no stories to look back on 20 years from now and go, those were some good times. It really is sad when you realized how much of your life you have wasted how much you missed out on and when you realize you will never have that chance to make up for that.
I am sorry to all those people who tried to be my friends but I never made that connection with you.