Don’t Exist?

So how many of you get that feeling that you don’t really exist in the world?  I have been in that rut for awhile now.  I mean I have had a couple of good days where I was happy for the most part but I don’t really feel like I exist.  I know that there are several factors that are playing a big role in that lets list them below shall we.

  • 1: No car. Now this is a major part of everything and probably the central driving force and the linch pin on which all the other factors stem from. I won’t go into this because I have covered it in several other posts.
  • 2: Time. This has to do with the time I have in the day.  See I wake up at 6:30am and head to work to be there by 8 if I am borrowing a car or 9 if I am catching a ride.  If I am borrowing the car I leave work at 4 I leave and drive the 30 minutes home to pick up my girlfriend so she can go to class.  I then drive 45 minutes to take her to class and then drive the 45 minutes home.  So by the time I get home it is a little after 6 usually.  When I get home I make the little guy some dinner and then at 7 it is time to head upstairs he usually chills and plays on his tablet while I lay on the bed and watch some TV.  At 8pm he goes in to bed I then start to get myself stuff ready for the morning. At 9:15 I leave to go pick my girlfriend up from class so another 45 minute drive out and then again back.  So finally get home about 10:45 or 11 depending on if I have to stop at the store or for gas or anything.  I get home and then it is time to lay down and go to bed.  This has led to this feeling that I don’t really exist that I am starting to forget how to be me.

Well started typing this yesterday and it looks like I might be getting a car tomorrow.  It isn’t a great car just a little high mileage Honda Civic.  It is however a car and it doesn’t need to last long it just needs to hold up for a couple of months till I can afford to get a better car.  Here is to hoping that this helps me start to feel more like me and start to feel like I am part of the world again.

Much Love



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