Tag Archives: acceptance

Who Are You?

As adults and sadly even as high school kids these days we have so much pressure placed on us.  Partly because of the over abundance of “news” on social media and also the fact that because of the internet everyone can make their views known to you as well as try to make you see things their way.

The best thing about the internet is everyone can state their opinion.  The worst thing about the internet is that everyone can state their opinion.  I don’t remember where I first heard that but it is 100% the truth.  The internet and social media also tell you what you are supposed to look like and who you are supposed to be.  What you should have accomplished and what you should accomplish.  I have days where I look at my life and go “Mark this is not at all where you were supposed to be at 37.”  I want to take that other me and grab him by the neck and say “WHO THE HELL ARE YOU TO TELL ME WHERE I AM SUPPOSED TO BE IN MY LIFE?”  I still don’t know what I want to do with my life and you know what I am ok with that.  I also know that I am not the man who society or even myself expected me to be when I grew up but you know what slowly but surely I am becoming ok with that.

Who am I?

That is a good question and I am still not sure but let’s think about that.  I am Mark.  I am a father of 2 beautiful daughters that are the best things I have ever produced in this world even though the oldest being 13 is at that point in life where she feels she doesn’t need or want her parents around.  I know that I will be here when she needs me.  I have a decent job.  I am still new at it so I am not sure how secure the job is but you know what I can’t waste my time thinking about that.  I finally have a good car for the first time in my life.  I can finally make that trip to go see my dad who I haven’t seen in years because I just didn’t have a reliable vehicle.  I am also probably in the best shape I have been in over a decade.  Emotionally I am getting there.  I am starting to look at myself and go “Hey Mark you are a good dude.”

Who did I think I would be?

It doesn’t matter and I shouldn’t let it matter.  I am who I am and I am where I am.  I am ok with that.

Be ok with who you are and where you are.  Keep moving forward and if there are littles you can change them then change them.  Change them because you want to not because you feel that someone or something else thinks you need to.

Much Love,

M

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Coffee Talk

So I am sitting here at my desk enjoying some coffee and figured I would sit here and spill out a stream of consciousness into the eye holes of everyone that reads this.  So last night I was sitting up in my room eating 8 flour tortillas.  I have no idea why I was eating them or why I couldn’t stop eating them.  I was wondering why I had lost control of that simple part of my life and I realized it was because I am weak.  It is never bad to admit that you are weak because we all have weakness.  The strongest thing you can do is to find out your weaknesses and then face them and accept them as fact.  Once you do that you wont be as burdened down by them.  So let me see if I can pinpoint some of my weaknesses.

One I can’t accept they body I was born into.  You are supposed to love the body you are in but it is hard when everything about it repulses you.  The body hair is a constant reminder that I will never be soft.  The beard that everyone else seems to think looks great on me is just an awful thing that covers up my lips (probably one of my best features).  Also my hands are small and delicate I love them but I hate that they stand in contrast with the rest of my body.  I paint my nails regularly to enhance how pretty they can look but all that does is remind me more.

Two I let others walk all over me.  I never make my own decision without making sure it is ok with everyone else.  All my life I have hated conflict that has let to me never standing up for myself.  I never fight for what I want. I always put what I want and need on the back burner to what others want and need.

Three sometimes I want to help people too much.  I am very prone to not paying my own bills to donate money to someone or something else. I once didn’t pay my rent so I could donate $300 to help someone build a new computer for streaming.  I am not smart when it comes to the heart and wanting to help others.

These are probably the top three things that cause me the most problems in my life on a day-to-day basis.  Take a few minutes to think about your own weaknesses if you blog right a blog about them and put the link in the comments.  If you don’t blog feel free to just list them in a comment.   Have a good day loves and smile because smiling uses less muscles than frown…. Corny but true.

 

Much Love

M

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