Tag Archives: diet

Where Have I Been?

Where have I been?  That is a very good question. Honestly I am not really sure where I have been. I have hit another one of those brick walls. Those walls where I realize I am 38 years old and have accomplished absolutely nothing in my life. I also used to have dreams and passions and energy to do stuff. I don’t think I have those anymore.

So here is a question I have to the few people who read this.  Do you ever hit an age where you don’t have dreams or ambition. Where you don’t have anything you are passionate about?  That is what I am wondering. Have I reached that point?  Have I reached the age where I just stop being passionate about things  where I stop taking enjoyment from things in life.

I always hit this wall where nothing seems to really make me happy.  This time it came from job change.  Don’t get me wrong I have a much better job that pays a lot more money and better hours but with this new job came the inevitable weight gain that comes with going from a manual labor job to a sedentary computer job.  With that weight gain came depression and feeling like a failure.  I had lost 100 pounds but then after this job change I ended up putting back on 20 of those pounds.  There is nothing that will destroy me as much as seeing all that work go away.

I am trying to do this don’t eat any food after 7pm anymore which I have determined that most of my bad eating comes between 7pm and bedtime. I succeeded in doing that last night though it was very hard.  It seemed like after said time all I was able to think about was that I wanted something to eat.  I did however stay strong and didn’t cave in.  I also went on a half hour-long walk yesterday on my lunch break and I am going to try to do that again today.  I am hoping that these little changes will kick me in the right direction and help me get back to my normal self.  Part of that normal self is hopefully writing on this more often.

M

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Control Of Something Means Everything

So after a few weeks of being controlled by my anxiety yesterday I decided to take control of something.  I controlled what I ate.  It has been a few weeks since I have been able to finish my food diary for the day and not be over the calorie limit (if I even bothered to track it).  Don’t worry I don’t go overboard I actually use myfitnesspal.com to keep track of my food intake and calorie output using that combined with my FitBit are great tools to keep me eating but not eating too much and dieting without dieting to much.  It is a fine line that I need to walk and it is an everyday struggle to not go to extremes in either direction.

Anyway the point of this is that having even that little bit of control over something has completely made the difference in how I woke up this morning.  Under normal circumstances as of late I would wake up in the morning instantly feeling like a failure because I failed to even control the smallest thing in my life that I have control over.  What and how much I eat.  I woke up this morning and I was proud of myself.  I did not bother to get on the scale because I have eaten so poorly for the last few days that I knew the number would not be good and there is no reason to discourage myself so early in the morning.  The last thing I need is to look at the scale and see the number was up and suddenly feel awful about myself again.

I am going to cling to this just this little bit of control in a world that feels out of control.  Thank you to everyone that reads this.  Even just seeing that a couple of people have read this makes me realize that I am not alone in this world.

Love yourselves and each other.

M

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Look A Picture Of Me Smiling And I Mean It!!!

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