Trying something new today. I am trying writing my posts out on paper during the day and typing them out in the evening. I feel like i have a lot of stuff to say but don’t really have the time to keep my WordPress open all day to keep adding to it. So if this gets posted then it worked if not then I guess no one will read this so it doesn’t matter.
So I was talking to a buddy about the benefits of letting your feelings and stress out. He is the only real world friend that I have given the URL for this blog to, well him and my sister. Even if no one ever reads these blog posts just getting the stuff out there is good for me.
Currently I am having that useless feeling again. See I was supposed to get a car with my tax refund but the government decided to take half of my tax refund to pay off the rest of my student loan. I mean the good thing is that the student loan is paid off. Here is where I failed. I should have saved the money I did get if I would have done that I would have the money thursday to get a car with what was left and then my paycheck tomorrow. I didn’t though I bought a new fitbit a new GPU for my computer and some other shit that I shouldn’t have gotten. So I did do wrong I know that I did but I need to not beat myself up over this because it is done. All I can do is do better when I get paid tomorrow and save money. The problem is that I am stuck still relying on people to lend me a car to get to work or bumming rides. If something comes up and I have to go somewhere I have to find a ride or someone to again lend me a car. I makes me feel like a failure. I mean I can’t do anything for my daughters because they are at their moms and I only get to see them on the weekends. I don’t like being in this situation but it is a situation I got myself into.
What I need to do is not feel like a failure. I am not a failure I do the best I can with what I got. Yes I screw up sometimes but at least I realize I screwed up. I don’t have much but I am trying to do good with it. Fingers crossed that it is enough.