So after a few weeks of being controlled by my anxiety yesterday I decided to take control of something. I controlled what I ate. It has been a few weeks since I have been able to finish my food diary for the day and not be over the calorie limit (if I even bothered to track it). Don’t worry I don’t go overboard I actually use myfitnesspal.com to keep track of my food intake and calorie output using that combined with my FitBit are great tools to keep me eating but not eating too much and dieting without dieting to much. It is a fine line that I need to walk and it is an everyday struggle to not go to extremes in either direction.
Anyway the point of this is that having even that little bit of control over something has completely made the difference in how I woke up this morning. Under normal circumstances as of late I would wake up in the morning instantly feeling like a failure because I failed to even control the smallest thing in my life that I have control over. What and how much I eat. I woke up this morning and I was proud of myself. I did not bother to get on the scale because I have eaten so poorly for the last few days that I knew the number would not be good and there is no reason to discourage myself so early in the morning. The last thing I need is to look at the scale and see the number was up and suddenly feel awful about myself again.
I am going to cling to this just this little bit of control in a world that feels out of control. Thank you to everyone that reads this. Even just seeing that a couple of people have read this makes me realize that I am not alone in this world.
Love yourselves and each other.
Look A Picture Of Me Smiling And I Mean It!!!
I was writing my about me page and I realized that there was something that I have never really brought up in my blog and didn’t feel like it was something that needed to be on the About Me page. I deserved it’s on post.
Let’s talk about sexuality. Now in America right now things are kind of crazy. I am not a fan of political talk so I am going to steer clear of that mine field. I am however going to talk about my own sexuality. Now when it comes to that it is very complicated. I am I guess what trendy new age people call a pansexual my sexual attraction is connected to my emotion attachment to a person more than their gender. If I am in love with a man I am gay if I am in love with a woman I am straight. I have loved both men and women in my life and I have been equally sexually attracted to them.
I find men and women both beautiful the human body is amazing and I find parts of both gender to be pleasing to the eye. I don’t consider myself one way or the other I am just love. I mean yes there is a part of me that feels like I was born in the wrong body sometimes but for the most part I am happy with being a man. I guess. Wait that doesn’t have anything to do with this.
OK. Back on track. When I have always been “soft” I have always been very in touch with my emotions when I love I love completely and recklessly and when my heart is broken it is utterly shattered. It has been many times you would think I would be use to it by now but every new heartbreak feels just like the first. My heart is broken currently by how I see all the progress that we have made as a nation when it comes to marriage equality and acceptance of sexual orientation seeming to be sitting on the cusp of being completely undone. I worry for the future of my friends and family. People that just want to marry the person they love. Just want to be able to make sure that love is respected and safe. Ok I though I had a lot of stuff to say on this but I guess I don’t. Man I am awful at this blogging thing maybe I will get better as time goes on.